CHRISTMAS IN CARE CAN BE CRUMBY – 2

Bauble

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto/absolut_100


In the last post, we looked at some of the places that troubled kids end up at this time of year.
Whilst these are sometimes very necessary, not least for the children’s own safety, it can also be very tough. Especially at a time like Christmas.
I know from personal experience that Local Authorities work hard to make sure as many children as possible enjoy Christmas at home or at least get to visit or be visited by their families.
But challenges remain for kids in care.

Christmas in care – the challenges…


Not all kids have contact with family at this time of year. For example:

  • The family may not want them
  • Children may not be safe with their parents or other family members
  • Or they may be orphaned – a word not often used these days, but a reality for some just the same; they have no family

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Here are a few thoughts on why Christmas can be a crumby time for such children…

  • Family imagery bombards them from the TV and elsewhere – Christmas and family are intrinsically linked. When family has been tough, maybe even life-threatening, or when it just hasn’t worked and is a distant memory, this is a real challenge to handle.
  • The classic nuclear family is the standard theme – on everything from cards to biscuit tins, from TV to posters. It’s simply inescapable. The “norms” portrayed can act to reinforce the loss that children in care experience. Bereavements, separations and divorces, absentee parents or not knowing who their parents are, can all come back to the fore again.
  • Good care can still feel isolated – even those children who are settled and content in their new home environment can feel the pinch at Christmas. Reminders of what went before, cards and gifts from family members etc. can trigger the “what ifs…” to come flooding to mind.
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  • Routines change – troubled kids find refuge in routine. All children need it, but these children do particularly. They need to feel the stability that predictability brings. Christmas time is anything but routine. While this is all part of the fun, and new traditions can help in the long transition to a better life, being mindful of the impact of breaks in routine is wise…
  • Sibling separations may come to the fore – children separated from brothers and/or sisters may feel this even more acutely at a time like Christmas. Thoughts that have been contentedly distracted may return to the old wounds of family break up – perhaps particularly to separated brothers and sisters?
  • Rootlessness – some children in surrogate care, no matter how good it is, may feel that they are with people, but are not of them. Such occasions as Christmas focus the mind on who we are. Kids who recall their birth families and those who don’t, may feel this acutely at Christmas.

Once again, it’s just about being mindful of these things at this time of year.
They are a normal part of the ongoing challenges faced by children in the “care” system – acknowledging them and being sensitive to their impact, can go a long way to successfully supporting children through what might otherwise be a tricky few weeks…

Final thoughts…

Having said all that, not all kids in care will experience these things. Many will have a fabulous time. Some will feel delightfully reinforced in their new situations. These are the successes.
For others, it takes a long time. So I guess we just need to be mindful of those who may struggle. Being aware of this will probably be enough to ensure these children are well supported and have the happiest Christmas they can.
So we should think about how we can provide this care and support over the next few weeks…

Please let me know your thoughts…

  • What are your thoughts on this post – do you agree/disagree?
  • How can we improve the sensitivity of our practice at Christmas time to help kids in care?

Please let me know what your thoughts are… Leave a comment below or click here.

Related previous posts…

Pass it on…

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© Jonny Matthew 2013

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