Attachment before behaviour

Why your intervention might not be working...

So many interventions with troubled kids focus on behaviour.

And many of them don’t work.

Photo courtesy of ©️123rf/Dima Sobko (adapted)

Why is that?…

It’s because the sequencing is wrong.

If a bricky tried building the walls of a house before digging the foundations, it wouldn’t stand up for long.

A builder friend once told me that a significant amount of the cost of building a house goes into the foundations. A lot of the money goes into the ground!

But this has to be done if the structure is to last.

Kids are no different.

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First things first…

Think about it. With new borns, how much of the parenting is about behaviour?

Image ©W.W.Norton & Company

None of it! Right?

It’s about doing the basics – food, warmth, sleep, nappies, etc. But it’s also about attunement, what Dan Hughes calls being “in synch” with the child.

This is that lovely stuff where parent and child look intently at each other and

play. The parent mirrors what the child is doing and they work together to match their emotions and their intentions.

It’s through this process that the child learns about who they are and what their body is doing. It’s the process of building attachment.

Later, when the child is a bit older, the behaviour training starts. The order is obvious: attachment first, behaviour second.

Distracting behaviour

Because we work with troubled children, we deal with difficult behaviour. If you work in youth justice, tier 3 & 4 CAMHS, HSB or CSE services, etc. you may also deal with risky behaviour.

We only see children when things are going wrong. And it’s usually got something to do with behaviour.

Photo courtesy of ©️123rf/tatyanagl

Here’s the problem: the behaviour distracts us from the underlying causes – weak foundations.

The walls (behaviours) are wobbling because the foundations (attachments) are missing or inadequate in some way.

Notwithstanding the odd case where things are less complex, most of the kids we deal with will have problematic attachments or related developmental issues. Dodgy foundations.

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Programme sequencing

I’d like to suggest that the reason why lots of work programmes and other interventions with troubled kids don’t work very well, is because they are misplaced.

They are trying to prop up the walls, rather than secure the foundations.

Here are some examples:

  • Behaviour management parenting programmes
  • Offence specific interventions (knife crime, interpersonal violence, car crime, etc.)
  • Programmes which target so-called criminogenic factors (anger management, victim empathy, thinking skills, etc.)

    TRM schematic ©Jonny Matthew & Tricia Skuse

All good stuff, of course. But not if the foundations are weak. We must address things in the right order.

Sequencing is everything. For more on this read our paper on sequencing. Or check out the Trauma Recovery Model for a roadmap of how to make intervention decisions.

Foundations

Kids with developmental issues need help to find a degree of attachment stability before they can move on.

We need to work on consistency, predictability and reliability (CPR) before we start addressing behaviour.

Here are a couple of examples:

  • Attachment parenting
  • Theraplay
  • DDP (Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy)

These approaches target the foundations. They work on the premise that a child’s attachments effect everything else.

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Final word

Is your approach having the desired effect? Are things standing still, or maybe even getting worse?

Then maybe it’s time to ask whether the foundations need some work before you kill yourself trying to hold up the walls…

What do you think?

  • Do you agree that attachment comes before behaviour as a focus for interventions? Do you have examples of times when the order of interventions has been wrong for kids? 
  • Let us know what you think by leaving a comment below – just click here

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© Jonny Matthew 2017

Disclosure of material connection: Some of the links in this post are “affiliate links.” This means that if you click the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers.

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  • Toon in! Services

    Totally agree with this. And if more professionals were aware of it then there would be a far greater opportunity to create a more stable launch pad and support structure to enable the helper to facilitate change and move the young person on in relation to lasting positive outcomes.

    • Jonny Matthew

      Yep, I think you’re right – thanks for commenting! Cheers, J.