Sexual abuse is horrific. After many years of dealing with it, I still get shocked by what people sometimes do to children. You never get used to it.

So what sorts of things can be done to prevent sexual abuse? Because surely it’s better to stop it before it happens, than deal with the consequences?

What to look out for in people who may abuse…

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Firstly, we need to remember that it’s not just adults who abuse children sexually. Young people do too. Up to a third of sexual offences committed against children are thought to be committed by other young people.

So the following could apply to teenagers as well as adults.

What are the kinds of things that might be cause for concern and may signal the possible onset of sexual abuse?

– Treating a particular child as a favourite – preferential treatment of one child at the expense of others. Making them feel or treating them as “special” in some way.

– Picking on a particular child – similar to the first point, but the opposite. Behaving towards a child in such a way as to suggest that they are being naughtier than others, when in fact they’re not. Being unduly negative in the way a specific child is treated.

– “Spoiling” a child unduly – for example by giving them money or buying them presents which are expensive.

– Manoeuvring to get time alone with a child and insisting on not being disturbed. Someone may get irritable or become angry if they don’t get their way in this.

–  Questionable offers of “help” for example by taking a child out or asking if a child can accompany them on an overnight trip. Offering to babysit regularly and for free might be another example of this kind of behaviour.

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– Overly physically affectionate – insisting on children giving gestures of affection like hugging, kissing, cuddling. This is a particular concern when children are clearly not happy, but the person insists anyway.

–  Interest in child development – Showing an unusual interest the physical and/or sexual development of a child or teenager.

– Associates with children a lot – adults and teenagers usually mix with people of their own age, or thereabouts. When they spend a lot of their time with children, this may be a concern. Particularly if they don’t spend much time with people of a similar age to themselves.

– Intrusive behaviour walking in on children in their bedroom, without knocking or warning. Or entering a bathroom when a child is using it. This may signal a concerning interest in children.

Remember, those who abuse children are usually known to the victims. Don’t be distracted looking for the dangerous stranger – chances are this isn’t the person to watch out for.

This short video illustrates this point.

 

Final thought…

In isolation and in moderation, each of these behaviours may not be a big concern. However, most of them would cause us to raise an eyebrow. We should listen to our “gut feeling” and exercise caution if any of these are present in a way that makes us feel uneasy.

We are wise to be particularly concerned if a number of these things become apparent in a particular individual.

We should never be afraid to be assertive in expressing our preference for someone to stop a particular behaviour. Better to hurt someone feelings-for good reason or not-than to allow things to pass unchallenged that may signal impending danger.

In the next couple of weeks, I will post a list of tell-tale signs to look out for in children. This is also crucial to know, as not all abusers have much contact with the parents of children they target.

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If you’re worried…

If you’re worried  about someone’s behaviour, or about your own thoughts and feelings around children, you can contact Stop It Now! for advice and support. Here are the details:

– Email: help@stopitnow.org.uk 

– Helpline: 0808 1000 900

What do you think?…

This is just a summary and so is far from being definitive. You can read more on this topic at the Stop It Now! website, here.

– Do you have additional ideas about behaviour that may signal a sexual interest in children?

– How do you think such behaviour should be dealt with?

Please let me know what your thoughts are… Leave a comment below or click here.

Related previous posts…

– 11 things you need to now about online child abuse…

– Conference for all those concerned about and working to prevent sexual abuse…

– Child protection from pornography goes way beyond Internet Service Providers…

– What works in preventing and treating sexual abuse?…

Pass it on…

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© Jonny Matthew 2013

 

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