Teenager

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto/ChrisHepburn


I recently wrote a blog post outlining some tips for engaging teenagers.
Several people responded with comments about the piece and offered suggestions for other tips. I want to capture and share these here.
The lesson for me was a simple one: sometimes the things we take for granted are the most profound. So, if you think these suggestions are teaching you to “suck eggs,” just think what your practice with teenagers would be like if you didn’t  work this way!

More quick tips for engaging teenagers…

  • Greetings are important – the first few moments can make or break an interaction. Plenty of smiles and attentive focus on the young person goes a long way.
  • Be yourself – young people are more savvy than we sometimes give them credit for. If you wear a mask by trying to be someone you’re not, they’ll see through it. You come across like you’re trying too hard. You were a teenager once; sharing a little of the real stuff that you went through is way better than putting on an act.
  • Street language – wise professionals and parents/carers tailor their speech to be clear and age appropriate. But, part of being yourself is to use your own voice. Don’t overuse street talk or local slang, far from being cool and making you approachable, it just sounds a bit daft!
  • Being authoritarian – don’t be a sergeant major! Trust has to be earned. Power differences can undermine this process. You have the power – you’re an adult. But challenging every little thing just creates an unsettled environment. Focus on being with the young person and they’ll listen to you. This is infinitely better than simply giving orders…
  • Variety – changing the scene can help with communication and break the malaise that easily characterises repeated interactions. Doing things slightly differently, using a new venue, taking a walk – simple things can revitalise a working relationship. A little unpredictability can be a good thing!
  • Sense of humour – laughing is a great leveller. Finding someone’s funny bone and prodding it now and then lightens things up. Allowing our own humour to come out makes us a little vulnerable, exposing part of who we are. Particularly when we laugh at ourselves. This helps build trust.

The thing that strikes me about these suggestions, is the need for authenticity. We have to be ourselves. Anything else is false. And young people are extremely sensitive to falsehood.
Equally, they know when someone is genuine, when someone cares. Sincerity and real interest in their welfare-giving a damn-comes through loud and clear. This is the key, in my view, to successful interactions with teenagers.
As I wrote in another post, here’s a summary of the central message:

Give a damn – if you don’t, they’ll know. If young people twig that this about paying your mortgage, they’ll run a mile. You’ll be just another statistic in a line of failed professional efforts to “help” them. Help is altruistic. The motive matters. Whilst there are some things you can do to communicate that you care, basically you either do or you don’t – kids are great at knowing which it is. I reckon you have about 30 seconds maximum to get this across when you first meet them.

What do you think?…

  • What are your tips for engaging teenagers?
  • What do you think is the main guiding principle in this process?

Please contribute to this discussion by adding your own thoughts and experiences. You can  leave a comment by scrolling down, or just click here.

Related previous posts…

Pass it on…

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 © Jonny Matthew 2013 – with thanks to Ang, Rob, Ian, Ade & Tim for their suggestions.

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